This is a little different than what I typically post. Here is a response to something I saw on facebook that resonated with me. The comments section maintains a commentary which is similar to my old way of thinking in my own damaged (and damaging) past. No matter how much we have been hurt, there comes a time when we know something else is the answer. When what we have always done doesn’t work anymore, we have to do something different.
Yes, every body is a little damaged. The world breaks everyone. Here’s what I have learned, through both experience and a lot of therapy. You may choose to take on the weight of someone else’s difficult past, but it is not required. It will eat you alive. See, the thing about coping, is that many of us have gotten so good at denial, that while we are able to acknowledge certain injustices, we are not always equipped to process them, nor are we ready. That must all be done on our own terms. To be in a relationship with someone fighting demons, often allows us to ignore our own. This, my fellow humans, is a recipe for disaster. This is where toxicity seeps out of every small wound we have ever had. This is codependency. This is not healthy for either party involved.
You cannot take away someone else’s pain. At best, you may be able to get them to recognize it so that they may tend to it themselves. We are all silent warriors in our own battles. Nobody can win them but us alone.
It is our duty, when we see or know someone struggling, to merely offer peaceful support. Some of my personal favorites are: handwritten notes, coffee dates (in which battles may or may not be discussed, it is up to them), home cooked meals, and chocolate.
Light attracts light. Do not fall into someone else’s darkness. Bring them closer to your light. The only way I know how to do this is to concentrate on your own light, and let them find their way to it.
I will end with this quote, one of my many mantras, “I will take care of me for you, you take care of you for me.” This is what I find to be the secret of all healthy relationships. Attachment is not love. ✌️